VIC:Beyondblue envoy recalls 'black mess'

AAP General News (Australia)
08-04-2010
VIC:Beyondblue envoy recalls 'black mess'

By Jeff Turnbull

MELBOURNE, Aug 4 AAP - Depression and anxiety took Bronwyn Collins' life on a major
detour but the 21-year-old university student says that with the right medication and
the right psychiatrist her life is back on track.

Ms Collins, a youth ambassador for depression charity group beyondblue, says depression
took a hold of her life at the age of 14 and she went through periods of self-hate, self-harm,
missing school and hating to go to sleep.

She told a group of year 10 students at Kew High School that depression - what she
called "the black mess" - had drained all the colours out of her "and everything was grey".

"I felt that I didn't deserve to live and that I was a burden on my family and my friends,
blaming myself for things that were out of my control," she said.

"The way I coped with all this hatred towards myself, I started to self-harm, just
to feel something, to know I was still human because I had become so numb to the outside
world."

She also suffered spasms and migraines and curled up into a ball for days.

"My head was coping with the mental pain by punishing my body with physical pain," she said.

"My family had no idea what was going on and neither did I."

By the time she reached year 12 she had become exhausted and fatigued with the strain
on her mind and body.

She hit rock bottom that year and was hospitalised when she tried to kill herself.

"The feeling of absolute failure, hatred and pain when I woke up in hospital was the
scariest thing I have ever experienced," she said.

That suicide attempt was the trigger to see a psychiatrist and she says she has now
learned to live with her illness and to see the positives in life rather than the negatives.

"I've tried several different medications. I've found one that suits me and I get regular
counselling from a psychiatrist," she said.

She's also resumed playing soccer and basketball, two sports she played before she fell ill.

Beyondblue chairman and Hawthorn Football Club chairman Jeff Kennett has teamed up
the two organisations to draw awareness to depression.

"We'll use it to reach out to young people right around the country and we'll also
reach out to central Australia with our indigenous community," he said.

"Among our indigenous community, among the young men and women, there is a lot of anxiety,
a lot of stress and unfortunately a lot of suicides," he said.

"We have the capacity, through the footballers, to reach out to the community looking
at depressive-related illnesses."



*Readers seeking support and information about suicide prevention can contact Lifeline
on 13 11 14, SANE Helpline on 1800 18 SANE (7263) or youthbeyondblue.com.



AAP jxt/gfr/cd/was

KEYWORD: DEPRESSION (PIX AVAILABLE)

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